It’s Not Me, It’s You: A Project & Advice

I have commitment issues.  Not with relationships, that area is fine–I’ve been with Mr. Fabuless for 10 years–and this commitment issue of mine is why he sometimes feels like we’ve been together 100 years–I really test his sanity.  My commitment issues revolve around picking paint colors and committing to big projects, you know, the important things in life. It boils down to the fear of screwing up something expensive and having to replace it should the project end in epic failure. I’m also majorly lacking in the patience department.  I want immediate results (or at least results I can achieve in a day) and that’s just not possible with some of these projects.   There’s also that tiny little factor of Mr. Fabuless being the slightest bit upset if I do end up ruining that expensive item and having to replace it.  So, I end up avoiding these big projects altogether.  But they get into my head and it’s all I think about.  Literally.  I’ve now had two sleepless nights contemplating a project, not doing, just contemplating.  I didn’t do anything.  I haven’t even slept because I’m so obsessed with it.  So, I know I want to commit, I should commit, but I just can’t seem to do it.  
So why am I rambling on about this now?  I’m taking the plunge & committing to the big project that’s been keeping me up at night.  I’m excited, but if I screw it up, it won’t be good, because I’ll have a buy a new couch.  I’m going to reupholster a couch that’s been bugging me basically since the day we brought it home. And not just reupholster, but add structure, which is what’s really going to screw this thing up if it doesn’t turn out right.
This brings me to the advice part:

I’ve heard Nate Berkus say several times that there are certain things in your home you should make an “investment” in, and a nice, neutral sofa is one of them.  TRUST HIM!!!  He is SO right.   I should have spent a little more for better quality and what I actually wanted.
We spent about $600 on this couch and got it at a place where we had previously purchased a really good quality couch.  In fact, we thought we were purchasing an identical couch, so we didn’t spend a lot of time looking at this one, just picking out the color.  MISTAKE #1. Someday I’ll tell you about my memory, how it pushes Mr. Fabuless to the brink of insanity, and how if I had a memory, I would have realized in the store that this couch was nothing like our other one.  In a nutshell, this couch quite possibly the biggest piece of s**t I’ve ever purchased–I’m not even going to mince words.  You get what you pay for, right?
The couch is a leather vinyl and microfiber sectional, yup, I jumped on that wave and bought two of them (one for upstairs and one for down.) The style (and quality) of the other one works perfectly for our basement, but this one never seemed to fit in with the look I was going for upstairs and I sort of secretly knew this would be the case from the beginning. But, I wanted a sectional, and this was about all I could find in my price range.  So I went with it and convinced myself I could make it work; MISTAKE #2. But the aesthetics are just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to how awful this couch really is. Let me show you what I’m talking about:
(This picture is old, and one of the only ones I could find because I consciously avoid getting this couch in my pictures because I think it looks so awful and now you’ll see why.)
#1.  There are supposed to be cushions here, but as you’ll see behind Mr. Fabuless, all they do is get squished down and misshapen and don’t ever stay in one place.  Even when no one is sitting on the couch they look worn out and awful.
#2.  No, not the dog (although sometimes she’s as annoying as the couch), the “under-your-butt-cushions.”  They don’t stay on, so I can guarantee you that while Mr. Fabuless is sleeping in this picture, his butt is planted squarely in a hole because the chaise cushion slides away from the other ones.  And this is the case on the entire couch.  You move, cushion slides. Very annoying.
#3.  There’s nothing linking the chaise and the sofa (my other one has a little piece of hardware that links them), so they don’t stay together.  I’m constantly having to move them so they line up and you’re not sitting in yet another hole.  And when I move them, I find lots of treasures that have fallen into the abyss.
This is a better illustration of 4 & 5–can you just see the quality in that “leather”?
#4 &5.  This is where I basically just want to go ballistic and punch someone.  4 & 5 are the root of the evil that is this couch: IT CAME IN PIECES!  Had I known this, I would not have purchased it.  I looked at it in the showroom (assembled), and it was delivered to my house.  It showed up in several boxes.  It had never crossed my mind that a couch could come in pieces.  I’m not talking pieces like the sofa is one and the chaise is the other, I mean, the bottom was a separate piece from the back and sides and it had to be assembled like IKEA furniture.  From the minute I saw the boxes come through the door, I was trying to figure out how a whole couch fit in those boxes, and are the other ones just full of cushions?  I’m not stupid, shock makes people think irrational things.  I do not buy furniture that comes in pieces, which is why I buy a lot of second-hand, because that’s usually how I can afford quality furniture.   I should have told them to turn around and take it back, but I didn’t.  MISTAKE #3!
Every piece of the back and sides of this couch have been wobbly from day one.  When we tried to go underneath the couch and stabilize them with more screws, the braces appear to be made out of something similar to balsa wood–think the flimsy airplanes from when you were little that broke if you even looked at them wrong.
I’m totally fed up, so I’ve started drawing up some very technical plans to add some structure to, and reupholster this couch. This is my inspiration:

Source: restorationhardware.com via Jennifer (My Fabuless Life) on Pinterest

I’ve estimated my supplies and this should end up costing me around $200, including fabric, which is the most exciting part of this project.  So, I’ll keep you updated over the next few weeks, but I literally have no idea what I’m doing.  I’ll be “Tim Gunning” it (you know, ‘make it work’) and relying on small miracles to make this happen.  And I will make it happen.  And in the end, I’ll share my instructions with you in case you’re stuck in the same crappy couch boat I am.  I’m off to conquer a couch!

Comments

  1. says

    You are very brave…wouldn’t slipcovers be easier and not so dangerous? LOL! Good luck!
    How about selling it and recouping some of your money and then buying what you want? No? Well, you’ve certainly got MY attention…this is way better than t.v.! LOL! More drama, more suspense and I can’t wait to tune in to the next nail-biting episode!

    • says

      I think the way the couch is set up, recovering will actually be easier than slipcovers, but then again, I may eat those words. And no danger no fun, right? Believe me, I’ve looked into EVERYTHING I can think of and I think this will be the easiest, cheapest route. And the Mr. and I figured that the most someone would be willing to pay for it would be about $100, so we shall see how this turns out. It’s a grand vision I have in my head :D

  2. Javcki says

    Question? Do you have a sewing machine? Can’t wait to see it when it is done. How long do you think it will take. I have a neighbor that does this kind of stuff, do if you need help let me know. Good luck…

  3. says

    I actually don’t own a sewing machine, or sew really, but my sister and my aunt are both experts, so they’ll be helping me with this project. I’m hoping that I can have it done in two or three weeks. Thanks, I’ll keep you in mind if I hit any snags!

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